Any dream will do

So much to say, I don't even know where to begin. Summer's here and everything's the same. I look down on the road below and nothing's like it was a year ago. This 31st summer is not like the summer that was 10 years back, and funnily enough, I don't even remember what that summer was like. I can't believe it's March. It can't be March, it was just January yesterday. And July the day before that. Where are all the days going? I wish there was some way I could record every moment, every day somewhere. If not, at least those moments that make a difference. And the thing is, there are too many of them, but not quite enough. Somehow, not quite enough.

We're quite the sad species. We want company when we don't want it. And when we do have the company we yearned for just a day ago, which seems like months ago, we can't wait to get away from it. And yet we claim to be the most evolved of species. Like Tom Petty said, we're too alone to be proud. And yet, oxy-morons that we are, we're too proud to be alone. Somehow, that didn't make sense so much as I thought it did a moment ago. Maybe it did. Maybe it does. No, it doesn't. Of course it does.

How we outgrow relationhips. How we look for ways to escape what we wanted just last night, a lifetime ago.  How we look for ways and people and things to change our perception of tomorrow, and yet, when the change is just round the bend, are too scared to grab it. How we make excuses for those who let us down. How we're quick to judge our loved ones and fob it off as love, which gives us the right to judge them. In a way, it's admitting our own lack of judgement, if you will. How we pretend we don't need anyone and yet, know, somewhere in our minds, if not in our hearts, that maybe we really don't. Nothing changes, nothing changes at all, yet people do. How is that possible, we wonder. And we keep on wondering, never quite finding an answer, but always hoping that we will, somehow, someday.

How we lean on pillars and yet pretend that our spine will do quite well, thank you very much. And how we ignore the pillars once we've left them behind.  How we try to bribe those we love with thoughtless gestures that would have meant needless expenditure yesterday to us, even if it was just a few rupees. All because we're guilty of somehow betraying them, but not wanting to own up to it. How we live with those we love and yet look for someone else to love. How we live with those that love us and yet wait for someone else to. How we're as susceptible to human frailties as everyone else, yet trivialise them when it's someone else's frail moment.

How we always say that nobody has all the answers in a way that suggests that "I know more than you do AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT, YOU BRAIN-DEAD BASTARD FAGGOT." How we look for validation from those who've hurt us and our own, all because we just don't think it's enough that we love and are loved. How we want our yesterdays so desperately, so badly that it completely takes away our thoughts of tomorrow from focus. And yet, we fumble and stammer when we do get a chance to revisit the good old days. Time is just not on our side, and when we do figure it out, if we ever will, it's always, all-the-freaking-time too late.

There is so much to say to you today, and all of a sudden, I don't even know what to say to you anymore.