Any dream will do

A paraphrased version of today evening's conversation with Hyde over coffee (I had something called 'Mocha Tease' at Barista on the front lawn of Barton Centre on M.G. Road, which he is wont to point out if I don't mention it. We shared a brownie and he ate the bigger portion! And yes, it's edited. He will point out that also, mark my words.)

*******

Scene I

He: (Over phone) Where are you?

I: In the auto. On my way. Hold on. Don't order anything.

He: Okay.

*******

Scene II

He: (20 minutes later) Ring, ring.

I: I'm still in the auto. There is a bottleneck situation here.

He: A what?

I: (Exasperated) Jam. It's not moving. Do you want me to walk it down? I wish I could. But I have pulled some muscle in my ass and I can't walk.

He: What?!

I: My gluteus maximus muscle (literally). It hurts and I'm walking with a limp, and it's making my ass wobble.

He: (Laughing) No, it's okay. Come in the auto. In the meanwhile, I'll grab a seat.

I: (All worked up) Don't!!! I'll be there soon. Don't give up your seat!!!

He: I'll grab a seat.

I: What?! You still haven't found a seat?

He: I will. Come fast. Traffic seems to be clearing here.

*******

Scene III Act A:

Barista. Looking around for Little Man Tate. He seems to be lost in the crowd and my ass is killing me. He walks up and we hug. That's one thing about us. We don't walk towards each other with outstretched arms. We don't greet each other loudly. We just walk into the hug.

He: You didn't see me.

I: Duh.

He: I got a seat for us.

I: (Upon discovering that there is a little arched bridge that we have to cross to get to it) Couldn't you have grabbed another seat? As it is, my balance on flat surfaces isn't all that great.

I: (Upon discovering that the table is rickety and shaking because of uneven legs) Okay, let's go over there.

He: Is it vacant? Yes, it is. Okay.

I: (Seated now) Aaaaah! That is such a relief.

He: What do you want?

I: Dark temptation. You?

He: Heeheeheehee.

I: I need some chocolate, man. I'm ovulating.

He: Okay, I didn't need to know that.

I: I said ovulating, not menstruating. Ovulation is when eggs are primed to receive sperm. Unfortunately, there's no sperm I like in the near vicinity.

He: Okay, I'm going to think of something else. Bike... Mountain... Ride...

I: Hahahaha! You can't! Sperm, egg, sperm, egg, sperm, egg...

He: Piston... Fuel... Oh God, I can't believe I said that!

I: Hahahahaha!

He: Spark plug...

I: You know, God is funny. He made sure everything that He created resembled something else that brought it all back to sex.

He: No, man created spark plug.

I: That's because God gave him the brains.

*******

Scene III Act B: 

Hyde goes and gets our order. We've finally decided on a Mocha Tease for me and plain mocha for him and a triangular (:P) brownie that we're going to share.

He: Don't eat all that whipped cream. You've got to stir it.

I: (After eating about 3 spoons of it and tasting the hazelnut-flavoured mocha underneath) Mmmmmmmm.

He: (After emptying a sachet of sugar into his coffee cup) This is mocha. I didn't need to add the sugar. 

I: (Thinking "Will he ever shut up?") This brownie needs ice cream. It's too dry.

He: No, it's cold. No ice cream.

I: Please get some, no.

He: No.

Girl walks by in a thin white halter top and an even thinner, flimsier bra. It's mighty cold and it shows.

I: (Thinking to myself "I'll never settle for someone who doesn't get me ice cream when I want it...") That girl's a hooker if ever I saw one.

He: How do you know?

I: Any girl wears something that exposes the contours of her assets for all the world to see, she's asking to be noticed.

He: Why? What can you see?

I: Her nipples are erect.

He: (Trying to appear as nonchalant as possible) I can't see.

I: Erect nipples are hard to miss, whatever the distance.

He: I can't see.

I: That's because you're trying not to look. (After a beat) I need to use the loo. Do you think there is a loo here?

He: Must be.

I: (Thinking "Chivalry is dead. He's not even going to go ask someone!") Do you think that Barista guy will know?

He: Ask him.

I: (To the Barista guy) Is there a restroom here?

Barista Guy: No. I don't know. I joined recently.

I: (Thinking - "Are men really this daft? Or do you think he took a leak on the grass next to our seat?") (To security guard of Barton Centre) Is there a loo here?

Security Guard: No, madam. All shops closed. No loo here.

I: (Walking back to Hyde) I need to go home.

He: You can go to Tavern. Or Blossoms Book House. Have you asked them if they have a loo? They must have one.

I: Duh. I don't go to a book shop to ask if the employees have/use a loo there!

He: My bike's parked near Tavern. We'll go there.

I: Uh, if I walk, I'm going to pee on the road. And it's going to be mighty embarrassing.  That's the only thing where you men have an advantage over women.

He: Yeah, but I can hold it in.

I: Hohoho! Pull over on the highway, unzip and ssssssssss. Women can hold it in, men can't.

He: That's because we can do it on the road. (Please note he contradicts himself here) Do you think you can hold it in till you reach home?

I:  Yeah. (Hailing an auto) I've done it lots of times before. (Hugging him) Remember I love you, even when I'm being a bitch.

He: I'll remember the second part.

I: We'll meet again next week, for a longer time.

He: Next week? Hmm. (Pause) I think we can. Yeah, I should be free. (This coming from a guy who's not had any more luck with the opposite sex than yours truly :P)

I: Bye!

He: Bye!

*******

Scene IV

He: (Later on sms)  "I saw our pointy friend after you left."

I: Hahahahaha!

 *******

On a completely unrelated note, I think I was born when I was because I had to grow up enough to leave teenybopper candy fluff behind to really appreciate good music and then discover Travis when I was going through a period of, well, change. I personally think Fran Healy's the best songwriter there is today, not to mention his oh-so-soothing voice. Leaving you with two gems of lines from the song The Cage:

 

You broke your word, now that's a lie

We had a deal that you would try

 

Sometimes, life's just too good to be true.