11/29/2006
Bittersweet
So tell me, what do you know about goodbyes? I’ll tell you what I know of them. Goodbyes till now have been either voluntary or temporary or just what I knew was around the corner. And I’ve also known a few goodbyes where I didn’t want to say goodbye. But I’ve never known a goodbye like this before. Most goodbyes have been the ones that I knew were inevitable. And while your fair argument might be that I must have known this was coming too, my response would be that along with knowing it was going to happen sooner than later, I was also trying to will it away. I’m a regular crybaby. Like Ruthless said today, these darn tears are just primed and ready to flow at any given time. Sometimes, the damn floodgates don’t even need a reason to burst open.
Mother always used to tell me that if I left everything in the hands of God, he would find a way out for me and get me what I fervently wished for. When I was young, it was mostly true, though I suspect He had less to do with it than mom or dad did. When I crossed over into adolescence, they were still there for me, trying to make every little dream of mine come true the best that they could, but I could notice that while still the majority of my wishes were granted, some were carefully ignored or suitable substitutes were provided or suchlike. Later, as I finished studies and bravely ventured out into the big, bad world, it fell on me to make my dreams come true. Sure, I pray to God and thank him for making my parents mine even now, but you know you’ll have to toughen up as you grow older because chances are you will be heartbroken more often than be beside yourself with joy – a lesson you learn unwillingly. My first hard knock was when Mother passed away when I was 18 – I’d just finished giving my 12th exams. And I didn’t even say goodbye to her. I didn’t think she would go, but she did. Yes, the idealists will have me know that it was because I didn’t want to let her go and that because I didn’t say goodbye, she is still around. Now I don’t see any reason to refute that, but the point is that that goodbye was inevitable too. Only, I didn’t get to say it.
I’ve cried in my teachers’ arms at school just before I gave my 10th exams – even those that I hated. I’ve cried with friends and enemies at college when we were given our certificates for having made a smooth (??) transition into adulthood – we were declared eligible for higher education/career/reproduction. I’ve even felt bad when I left a few jobs. But nothing in the world has prepared me for the goodbye tomorrow – my goodbye to the most enjoyable job I’ve had, to the best bunch of people I’ve known in one place, to the best year of my life. You don’t find perfection often. But I knew it in some measure - this comes the closest to it.
Goodbyes are hard. But you know what’s harder? Not saying goodbye when you can and letting people know how much they’ve added to your life and made your world a better place.
Goodbye, my friends, dear pretty maids all in a row. I’ve had the time of my life, thanks to you. You bon homies and the bonhomie that we knew will be sorely and surely missed :o).
My, but we learn so slow
And heroes, they come and they go,
And leave us behind
As if we’re supposed to know why
Why do we give up our hearts to the past
And why must we grow up so fast?
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